The Daddy I Didn't Get To Be

-->Oct. 1, 2014, my dear wife and I learned from the midwife that there was no heartbeat from our little one. This was the second pregnancy, and would be the second miscarriage within a ten-month period.

Several weeks ago, just before going to sleep, my precious Jewel whispered in my ear, “You were a good Daddy to our baby.” I said nothing, but thought to myself, “But I didn’t get to be a Daddy. I am a father, yes, but not a Daddy.” I have continued to think of this. So few men realize that there is a difference between a Daddy and a father. From a Biblical viewpoint, they are often one and the same (unless of course, the passage is speaking strictly biologically. And yes, I do know that the Scriptures do not use the word “Daddy”, but the concept is there.); but in our culture today, there is indeed a difference of meaning. Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man, a Bible man, to be a Daddy.

What is my definition of a Daddy, you ask? The following is the Daddy I wanted to be.

I wanted to be a leader, something that every Daddy will be, either for good or bad. I’m not talking about the authoritative/disciplinarian/dictator type of leader. That type of man is no leader; he is a weak, self-centered, unkind and uncaring brute; most animals are better than he. I’m talking about the Bible type of leader. The type of leader that shares his vision with his children, that says to his sons and daughters, “Let’s follow the Lord!” The type of leader that says, “Come, let us go” not the type that says, “Go’. The Bible type of leader is gentle and tender with those under his care, always going before and calling onward, yet constantly looking back to make sure that none fall behind. He is in the front, bearing all the responsibility and shielding his family from danger, never requiring of others what he will not do. He is temperate in all things and is as consistent as he knows to be.

I wanted to be a teacher, and every good Daddy is one. Not first because it is his duty (although it is), but because it is his heart. His greatest desires are that his children will go far beyond his own knowledge, skills and accomplishments; and he gives his life to this end. To this end he gives of his time and body, sacrificing his own personal desires on a daily basis. In his teaching he exercises the utmost patience, and does so with love and compassion. In the things that are too hard, he lends a helping hand; yet he knows when to step back and let a child learn by his mistakes. He is an encourager, and shows pleasure and delight in even the smallest accomplishments, or even just the efforts that failed.

I wanted to be a comforter to my children, knowing that there will be many times in life that they will need it. Most people think that Mommy should be the comforter; I believe Daddy should not only be so as well, but that he should be the example of it to his children’s Mommy. Everyone knows that children fall repeatedly when learning to walk; this falling continues to repeat itself throughout a child’s life, just in different ways. Parents accept the fact that they will have to help their child get up when they are learning to walk; but then as the child grows up those same parents become exasperated when the child ‘falls down’ and needs help getting up again. Fathers help their toddlers up when they fall; Daddys help their child up again throughout life, comforting them and encouraging them on. Every child should know that no matter what has gone wrong, no matter even what they have done, they can find comfort from their Daddy. Yes, I realize that when a child sins there are consequences, just like there are for us when we sin against the Lord. Yet we can still find comfort from our heavenly Father, and he is the example we must follow if we are to be the best Daddy.

I wanted to be a friend to my children; and not just any friend, but their best friend until such time as they married (in which case, I would encourage and hope that their spouse would become their best friend). I wanted to be a friend like the Bible talks about, one that loveth at all times, even when they hurt or disappointed me. Being a friend is hard work, and often goes without thanks. A true friend says and does the hard things, listens patiently, forgives readily, is there whenever needed and willingly lends a helping hand. Every good Daddy is a best friend to his children. No man will be adequately able to be the leader, teacher or comforter he should be to his children if they do not first know that Daddy is their friend.

I wanted to be a servant to my children. Very few men seem to realize that this is what they are called to and responsible for as a Daddy, but this is what it is all about. Most men like to think that they are “in charge” and “in authority”. In truth, they are correct because God has made them the head of the home. But this headship is not about being “the Boss”, because authority is nothing more than the responsibility/duty to serve. He who is in authority is nothing more than a servant to the one who gave him that authority, as well as being a servant to those under him. Knowing this, I wanted to be a servant to my children because only as I excelled in this could I please the Lord in my duties as a Daddy, duties God gives and to whom I would be accountable for.

Why do I write this? Because there are a lot of fathers out there who have never heard what it means to be a Daddy. Their father didn’t know (or didn’t adequately teach them) and their pastor isn’t telling them either. This short writing by no means does justice to what is required to be a good Daddy. But if it will at least make someone pause and consider what kind of Daddy they are to their children, I’ll be thankful.

Please, go be the Daddy I didn’t get to be. Your children will thank you for the rest of their life.